what i want

there are so many things i want. as pathetic as it sounds, i kind of want a boyfriend. like, there isnt anyone i particulary like, and i dont want a boyfriend for the sake of it. but i want to actually like someone, and for them tolike me. just someone i can always talk to, when its late and you just want to text someone. and someone who wants to spend time with you. i mean, my friends are amazing and i love them. but i want to be someones favourite person. i want someone to randomly text me because they were thinkng of me or just because they can. and logically, i know that im so busy at the moment with college and work and friends etc, that really i dont have any time for someone else, and it would just complicate my life and i'd moan about i wished things were simple. but honestly, i like the complications. they make everything more interesting, and at the moment, despite all the excitment in my life. like driving, and looking at unis, and making new friends, going on holiday, my cousin visiting, all that stuff that a year ago i would have been so preoccupied with. now its just the usual, and i want something more.

this is hilarious, i just randomly found this from like two years ago? wow, i was so little, like fifteen :o sounds so young now.
i was just thinking, oh im on the modd to rant and write and whatever, and i usually use tumblr but i have people i know on there and i hate when people ask you stufff when you didnt intend them to see it, awkward. this seemed like a better idea.
omg, im in one of those moods where you just want to have a long heart to heart discussion with someone, one of those deep meaningful conversations that goes on all night. and yet everyones asleep, and no one will reply or anything. how sucky. so i've resorted to my own company, though i am going to go to sleep soon, because i have to revise tomorrow and im tired. oh and i might go look at cars as well and persuade my dad to buy one, not really for me its more of a family car, but im going to be able to drive it, yayyy. and i'll be able to practice more which will be awesomee. but he seems so reluctant, i think he's scared to drive with me, which is unfair because im good at driving. honest.
im terrfied about my exams though, they actually count and i dont want to have to retake them, fml so much. and universties look at retakes now, so taht makes it even worse.
and then i dont know if i still like someone, that i thought i liked, but really im not sure if i even liked them. i think i just wated to like someone and picked him? but i kind of miss liking someone, i mean ofc it complicates things and it sucks if they dont like you but at least it adds something, makes life a bit more interesting. and i kind of just want someone there for me, someone to talk to and be with. i miss that.
and i miss sleep, so im going to get some.

Trains

So, total change from my last blog. Thought I'd talk about something other than myself. Yeah, I know, you're all distraught. So, I was on a train to London the other day, which is about a 40 minute journey for me, and when I get on the carriage is pretty much empty, maybe 6 people total. But, by the time we got to Waterloo, the entire carriage, and I imagine the entire train, was crammed with people, every available seat was taken and there were a lot of people standing. Now, I had my Ipod in for most of the journey so it wasn't until the last two or three stops, when I stopped the music, that i realised something. Silence. The only sounds were the occasional flick of a page or the overhead voice announcing stops. Now, if your a frequent traveller, this may sound normal to you, but since I don't often take train journeys on my own, it really stood out. I mean, there were at least 40 people crammed in that space, which to be honest, wasn't huge, and not a single one was talking. So, I started wondering, why? I mean, I'm not saying swop emails with everyone you ever meet on a train, and I'm not saying you'll meet your best friends on a train. But, would it hurt to say hello to your fellow commuters? Tell someone you like their scarf? Recommend a book similar to the one they're reading if you know it? Even just exchange pleasantries? I mean, some people spend hours commuting, and why not fill it with conversation, even intellectual debates? It can't hurt your brain to process some thoughts, in fact it probably helps prepare you for a day of work or whatever your doing. So, just a thought, next time your in a silent train, be the brave one, say hello to someone. Pick carefully though, choose someone who doesn't have headphones in, doesn't seem to be deep into a book, and someone who just generally looks nice. Whats the worst that can happen? They ignore you, they tell you to leave them alone? Or you make your journey more interesting, and maybe brighten their day. Think about it. Love and Laughter to you all. ox.

So, this is a blog?

Right, so this is a blog?
No, I'm not stupid, of course I know what a blog is, I've just never used one before thank you very much. Kind of an odd feeling, like talking to yourself, except someone else can read it. Intersting. Not in a bad way though, I mean, I'm going to get less odd looks from typing then for talking to myself. Though no one's really surprised anymore, they just accept it and move on. Okay, so I guess I needa topic if I'm just going to randomly type to myself for a while. Okay, so I'll start with my friends. First thing that has to be said: my friends are amazing. No questions asked. I'm not saying this because they're going to read this, I really hope they'll never find it to be honest. Not that I'm spilling any huge secrets, it's just nice to have some space. So yeah, amazing. Yes, they can piss me off but they're always there for me and I know how lucky I am to have people I can rely on. So, my two best friends (who for now i will call Lucy & Hannah) which are not their real names. Lucy is quiet, to an extent, and shy but again not all the time. She is supportive, and good for advice and always there to talk or moan or just cry. She can get hysterical and she is totally obsessed with shopping, but that just makes her her. Hannah, on the other hand, is loud, crazy and funny. She has the strangest sense of humour, is kind of violent and it is never awkward with her. She in an awesome individual, has her own fashion sense, and I love her hair. She texts all the time, has a cool bedroom, and is always there when I just need to collapse. My other friends are also great, but to be perfectly honest those two are the only ones I totally trust. Its nothing against any of the others, I just trust very few people. Most of my other friends are boys though, like when we go out to the cinema or something, its basically the three girls then from 3 to 10 boys. It makes us sound like slags but honestly, we're just friends, and we didn't mean to make it this way. The idea that boys are good to hang out with because they don't bitch however, yeah, thats crap. The boys I know bitch about each other at least much as girls do, if not more. But that's a story for another time. So, I think I'll wrap this up for a while then, but I have nothing to do tonight so I might well be back. If your reading this, then I hope you didn't die of bordeom, and if I'm doing this wrong then I'm sorry, but it's just me. A portion of my life and if you'd like more let me know. Love and Laughter to you all ox.